I am in a terrible mood today. It might have started because I had to wake up early but it really shouldn't be any excuse. I just honestly feel like crap. I'm slowly taking a look at my life right now and I am so confused as to why I am not happy. It could be just today but you know when you are in one of those moods it feels like everyday. I don't know what it is. I've been extremely off this week, making stupid mistakes, forgetting things. My dad can't believe I'm making mistakes and is giving me a hard time. I don't handle criticism well, I don't think many do. But with me I take it offensive because I want to be the best. I want to own whatever I do. It drives me crazy when I don't shine above the rest. Maybe thats why I didn't like high school...way too much competition.
That's just it. I want to make the most out of my life. For some reason I just feel like the days go by and me with it. I'm getting older and I'm just living. Not living for a purpose. Just living. I need a purpose. I want to be more involved in things. I want to have nicer things. I want to feel like I deserve to own a company and not like that person who just got it dropped in their lap. In the mood I am in right now I feel completely blank as to what to do. I can't blind myself with stupid tasks to forget that I'm not really doing anything.
I want to change the world. Change Jacksonville. Change the roofing industry. Change something. I want to shine and I just don't know how to overcome this lazy dark cloud hovering over me. It sucks me in and I just don't know how to get out.
I don't think its depression it could just be one of those days.